Any intimate relationship can be difficult. Whether it be boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife, girlfriend and girlfriend or engaged, divorced, or off and on for years. It doesn’t matter who your significant other is, it’s how your relationship is. How you connect with one another. That being said, what about two addicts in a relationship? I’m talking about those relationships that started during active addiction. Those addict couples who seem to be so completely obsessed with one another that they are completely in love. Yet that’s not really the case, is it? This unhealthy collaboration is nothing more than addictive relationships. They are addictive relationships in active addiction.
Have you been in a relationship like this? Maybe you still are.
Think about it. Long and hard. In fact, just read on to get a little more insight.
Most couples are quick to get defensive. I bet you are thinking, we made it through addiction, we can make it through anything. Hopefully, you are right. Although, you may want to prepare yourself for just the opposite. Once in the messed union for some time, one or both of you may very well decide that your relationship is fucked.
As much as you do not want to admit it, the truth of the situation is that you are in an addictive relationship. Addictive relationships are extremely common when it comes to drug addiction. Two people get together based on their needs. The relationship is purely based on the sole purpose of getting and using drugs. These two people end up clinging to one another because, in the end, they are all alone.
Both you and your partner have burnt every bridge that you had so, without each other you have absolutely no one. It’s a scary feeling. No one wants to be alone. No one. Not even an addict.
Phases of An Addictive Relationship
Let’s begin by explaining what an addictive relationship is. Anyone can be in an addictive relationship. Simply, because you see the word ADDICT, it has nothing to do with drugs. An addictive relationship is when one person or both people in the relationship know that it is bad. The relationship is unhealthy. It may even be abusive. Yet, you stay together because you can not imagine life apart.
Typically, it’s one person chasing after the other person who keeps stringing the relationship on either for self-gain or pure amusement. It’s sad and can be very painful when it finally comes to an end. That is if it comes to an end. Or both participants may be equally obsessed but, that is not any better. It’s still unhealthy, it’s still bad.
So what about an addictive relationship in drug addiction? Well, damn that got to be bad, right? I was in an addictive relationship with another addict for what seemed like an eternity. We were off and on for several years and unfortunately, we did have a child together which we never had custody of due to our drug addiction. A relationship like this usually always has a bad outcome. It’s better to end it when you realize that it is unhealthy than to let it go on and on and on.
Looking back on those wasted years of my life, I regret every moment that I spent in that relationship, everything I did, and everything I said. It’s not so much that I hate the person. I used to. Now, in sobriety, my views have changed. I am willing to take responsibility for my actions. Looking back, I realize that we were both to blame. It was simply two people who thought they were in love with each other when in fact we were in love with heroin. We simply relied on each other to get dope. We played off of each other. Still, we clung to each other because we were it. When it came down to the nitty-gritty of the drug game. We supported one another, convinced each other it was alright and were together all of the time.
It’s like the saying, misery loves company. That is oh so true.
An addictive relationship in drug addiction is the same as any other addictive relationship. It’s fun, entertaining, full of lust, worry-free, and a rush of adrenaline. You become a couple because you think you are so much alike. Both of you have everything in common. Well, yeah. Your heroin addicts. You do the same thing and live the same way.
The thing about drug addicts is that everything you do is about what you can get. Meaning, you begin a relationship by what you will be able to get off of the other person. It’s what they can do for you. Not what you can contribute.
For example, in my FIRST addictive relationship – I had the money and he could get the dope. I needed him and he needed me.
Once the initial thrill is gone. You settle in with one another. Both of you have come to need each other in this druggie drug world you live in. If you didn’t need each other for something then, the relationship would have been over by now. Plain and simple.
It could be a mixture of things. One is that you have been together for quite a while and have been through so much that you simply comfortable. You both are completely used to the way things are. Why would you change them?
Let’s not forget the fact that you both say you are in love. Or is it the fact that everyone else hates you so, you have settled? Your content with the way your life is operating at the moment so, there is no need to change it.
By this point, you do everything together, rob, steal, commit crimes, get high together, and I’m sure you could think of a long list. Your relationship has withstood the test of time, jails, institutions. Both of you are still alive and together despite what everyone else assumed would have happened by now.
Your fucking Bonnie and Clyde. A match made in heaven. [Do you know how many times I have been in institutions and heard girls exclaiming how they were Bonnie and Clyde, even the newspapers referred to us that way, the cops called us that, blah, blah, blah. What a fucking life?
Now, something happens. Maybe, one of you gets a little greedy and starts hiding things from the other one. How about one of you cheating? What if the female in the relationship starts selling her body for drug money? What happens if you decide to move on because the other has nothing to offer?
Better yet, one of you decides to get clean. Wake up call! You sit in jail, in rehab, wherever detoxing. You look around and think about your relationship. How fucking horrible it truly is. Maybe you think the exact opposite. You are in love. You can’t wait to get out and run to your partner with open arms. The thing is they are gone. They moved on to someone else. That quick. Poof!
Sadly, in the drug game – this is all too familiar.
Do you know what comes next?
You either go crawling back to the relationship that just fell apart and you are both stuck in this vicious cycle for years.
Or you never go back to this bad relationship but start a new one with another unexpecting individual and do this again and again.
Sad but true.
Ending Addictive Relationships in Active Addiction
Until you get clean or decide it’s easier to be completely alone, this is your life. Is this really the way you want to live? Is this the type of relationship you want to be in forever? Or is it better to be alone forever?
Actually, I have this amazing idea. Why not get clean? What? Are you serious?
Then maybe you can have a normal relationship a healthy relationship. One where your partner truly loves you and you both strive to make each other happy and make each other’s lives better. Yep, that is the way that a relationship is supposed to be. That’s what you call true love. You might want to try that out sometime.
I know it’s much easier said than done. It’s hard to leave someone behind especially when you know that person relies on you to survive.
Yet use your addict instincts. Don’t give a shit about anybody but yourself. Get out of this and take care of yourself. You deserve better. Every addict deserves better.
Addictive relationships in active addiction don’t last. While there may be rules to the exception. Chances are if you both make it out of addiction and into sobriety, the relationship will still come to an end.
Do what’s best for you and if your partner truly loves you, they will want the best for you as well.
Do you know the signs of a bad relationship? Maybe you just got that aching feeling that this relationship is NOT what you want or what your partner wants. Click on the image below to get a free printable checklist. If you answer yes to even ONE of the questions then, your relationship needs work and communication in order to last. If you answer yes to multiple questions, it is time for you to reevaluate the situation and decide if this is really what you want. Because chances are, this relationship is doomed. Let it go or you will be in for a life of misery. Just being honest.
Once in recovery, sometimes it is better to just start over. Create a new life, free of all the bullshit and past negativity. That does include our intimate relationships. Now, thinking with a clear head, it may just not be what’s right for either one of you. Don’t make yourself unhappy and stay in a relationship because you feel obligated. If you remain stressed, worried, unhappy, and miserable because of you’re current significant other, it’s a setup for relapse. Don’t let it happen to you! Get rid of those bad addictive relationships in active addiction. You don’t need to live like that ever again!
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